irony

There are somethings that I struggle with as an artist at the University of Georgia. Here is a synopsis of my artist statement that I wrote for class:

I decided to do the semester long project that investigates who I am as a person and how it affects me as an artist. This investigation of identity is a continuation from a previous photography class. I wanted to continue this project mainly because the professors had a great influence in what I could shoot and was advised not to shoot for my project. I found it ironic that my search for identity was really not my own; rather, it became strongly influenced by my professors. I was essentially forced to listen to my professors and take photos that they found appealing for the sake of making the grades. Eventually, the semester ended on a very unsatisfactory note on my part.

Why is it that the art school teaches the importance of finding ourselves as artists; yet they insist on forcing their views of "true art" on us? Why do we get failing grades when time, effort, and participation have all been exerted, which are the main criteria for grading? Why are technique and "idea" placing a heavier weight on our grades when our resources are limited (ie. dark room supplies, studio space) and we were given freedom of expression?

Growing up, kids always seem to go through several, "I want to be ______" when I grow up. Well, the first profession that I inserted in that blank was "artist". I would go out to my front yard and repeatedly draw my house - front, back, sides. Perhaps it was architecture that fascinated me, but regardless, I loved the freedom of expression. My house was white and brown and had a lot of trees and small shrubbery all around it. I remember trying to draw it exactly, but didn't like the clutter it created on paper and pencil, so I decided to leave out a few details. That's the freedom I liked - being able to manipulate artwork to my own liking. If I wanted to color my house something other than brown and white, I could have done so.


Now, actually being referred to as an artist in a top of the line art school, the idea I had of being an artist is absolutely not what i had imagined. That freedom of expression I loved only exists with restrictions, so perhaps it really doesn't exist at all. Honestly, the art school has left a sour taste in my mouth for the past three years.. I'm only hoping my last 1.5 years here will really change my apathy towards it all.